Paying the Stupid Tax

When you’re young and “in love” you do really stupid things. Remember Mr Hive? Surely you do. He was the unmotivated, un-applied fellow I dated a few years ago. (Wow – has it really been that long?)

I mention in this post about how his car was dead and how I was tempted to co-sign for him on a new car. To quote me:

I’m so tempted to volunteer to co-sign for him (I’ve done this for other BFs in the past with no issue), but I know that we shouldn’t get so financially involved so soon. But at the same time, as we go forward in our relationship I also know that him having the lowest interest rate possible will be the best thing for us financially. He thanked me for having his best interest at heart when we went to a dealership last night. And of course my response was, “You’re welcome, but it also benefits me as well as we move forward in our relationship.”

You know where this is going right? RIGHT?

Yeah, one of those things that I decided NOT to mention on my blog because I was completely ashamed of it was that I did in fact decide to co-sign for him. Not only that but he chose a BRAND NEW car as the car he purchased.

Well, not more than a few months after that transaction happened (6 to be exact), I broke up with Mr Hive.

Since then it has been a complete battle. I have emailed him repeatedly to ask him to confirm that he is making his payments. The car loan, of course, shows up on my credit sheet as if it were mine.

He hasn’t missed a payment since we broke up, but having absolutely no control over when he pays, if he pays, or even knowing if that month he will be late has taken a huge hit on my sanity. Some nights I lay awake wondering what I will do about it.

(In the worst of these moments I imagine myself going in to his apartment [he lives with my future brother-in-law as luck may have it], taking his spare key, taking the car and selling it since I’m on the title. Mr Woodpecker and I still have this reserved as a back up plan.) 😉

As Mr Woodpecker and I move closer to beginning our lives together, I want this whole ordeal with the car and Mr Hive to be over. Once and for all. So I emailed him again and encouraged him to refinance the car.

During this time, Mr Woodpecker and I have had some serious conversations about what is peace of mind worth to us. We finally came to the realization that peace of mind is worth a whole lot. We decided that if Mr Hive didn’t take any action to refinance the loan we were willing to pay him to do so. We decided that if he did not do anything, we would sit down with him and  propose that if he refinances or trades-in his car and subsequently shows proof that the old lien is paid off, that we would help pay for the down payment on the new car or pay for the difference in value between the old loan and the refinancing. We decided that it was worth to us up to at least $2,000.  That’s right, we decided we would give my ex-boyfriend up to $2,000 to get the **** out of our lives for good.

Thankfully it looks like this reminder has given him enough motivation to actually do something about the loan. He has apparently applied for refinancing at a local bank, hopefully that will get approved. And we won’t have to pay anything for it.

I wish, truly wish, that someone had sat me down when I was thinking of doing this and told me how dumb of an idea co-signing was.

I felt like I was doing my then bf a huge favor (which I was). I felt like we were going to move forward together (which we didn’t). I didn’t think that he would turn out to be as much of a liability to my future happiness and security (which he beyond a doubt is).

There were even days that I have thought “why don’t I just pay the car off for him so I don’t have to worry about this anymore.” And if the loan had been less than $10,000 it may have happened.

So listen… please, please listen. Don’t co-sign for a loan for someone. Just don’t. I know it feels like you should because they need you. There is a reason the bank won’t finance them. A really good reason. And you don’t want to have 5 years of financing hanging over your head after you cut ties in a relationship.

I’m paying the stupid tax, but at least I’ve learned my lesson!


5 Responses to Paying the Stupid Tax

  1. deenadollars says:

    I have done something similar before, and it did not turn out well. An ex owed me an insane amount of money, and was using his debt to me as a way to manipulate me to stay in my life. I decided that the money wasn’t worth it, and I changed my phone number and cut ties with him. Unlikely I’ll ever see a penny at this point, but I learned my lesson — and yes, the peace of mind was worth not having to deal with him.

    Glad it sounds like Mr. Hive is getting his #*% in gear on this one.

    • SS4BC says:

      If I could go back in time I definitely wouldn’t co-sign again, but hindsight is 20/20.

      The peace of mind is worth SO MUCH MORE than any dollar amount!

  2. psychsarah says:

    Oh dear! I hope he does follow through with the plans to refinance so you can get this out of your mind. Please tell me he doesn’t know about/read the blog though-might he hold out if he gets wind that you might pay him for what he might be willing to do for nothing? Good luck. We’ve all paid stupid tax for something-ya live, ya learn.

  3. All I can say is you are a very generous person. I was lucky when I was younger that no one ever asked me to co-sign as I am not sure what I would have done. I hope your ex does the right thing in a timely manner.

  4. Pingback: Link love (Powered by heat waves and new opportunities) | NZ Muse

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