After the harsh emotions I was feeling from my last post I took a few days and just sort of checked out from thinking about my sister. I let my brain mull it over in the background and surprisingly not thinking about it helped.
I had been harsh with my sister a few days prior when she asked if she could go visit her boyfriend over spring break (harsh is the wrong word – I pretty much ignored her request and told her I couldn’t think about it that moment). I apologized to her for that and we sat down and had a discussion about her moving in with her BF.
I essentially told her that if moving in with him was something that she wanted to do that I wasn’t going to stand in the way. But that I wanted to make sure that she was prepared to do so.
I told her I did feel that it was important for her to make sure that when she moves in with him, she moves in as an equal and a partner – not as a dependent. So that if, God forbid, they break up – she’ll be able to be on her own and not feel trapped in her situation.
She agreed with a “That seems fair.”
So we talked about how she needed to get a job here so she can save money. I told her she needed a moving fund, a means of transportation, her driver’s license (she just has a permit) and she needs to make a budget of how much she’ll need to pay for everything when she moves. She’ll also need to save up enough money so that she can pay for her college there immediately when she gets there and make sure that she applies for school and transfers her credits before she leaves. She agreed with all of this.
Essentially I’ve committed to her that as long as she’s here with me I’ll help her with her education, but once she leaves she’s an adult and will have to pay for it herself.
With the stipulations I’ve put on it, that she’s agreed to and think are reasonable, I think she’ll be around through the summer and maybe the fall. In December she turns 18 so it won’t matter after that point anyway. I haven’t talked to her parents about any of this, but at this point they’ve left her in my hands to play parent and these are the decisions that her and I are making together. She can’t stay a child forever.
She finally got her birth certificate and social security card in the mail yesterday so she’s going to start turning in applications for jobs today and tomorrow.
I’m happy that she was mature enough to accept that she shouldn’t leave until she can be a financial equal with her boyfriend. That gives me a lot of confidence in her. I really hope that in the next few months she can start to understand a little about how to budget, about loans and most importantly that she should avoid credit cards. If I can teach her that much it will be a success. If she moves to Arizona and stays in school – even more of a success!