When Will I Grow Up?

I’m asking for forgiveness in advance if this post comes off too whiny or self-effacing.

Sometimes I wonder when or if I will ever grow up. Not in a maturity sort of way, even though I’m silly at times (just ask my good friend Okturn Delmoniq), I still am pretty responsible in life matters (or trying at least) and I’m definitely not a flake or anything and I don’t make *too* many stupid decisions anymore.

I mean, 11 years ago I graduated high school (in 1998 for those who are bad at math). And there was this implicit assumption that now that we were turning 18 and moving out of the house that we would be GROWN UPS! And that thought filled me with excitement. I would be able to live on my own and make my own decisions and manage my own money, ect. And that was what being “grown up” meant to me.

However, 11 years from that period of time I look at my life and I get the feeling that I’m still not “grown up”. Sure, I live alone, I make my own decisions, I haven’t been financially dependent on ANYONE since my Sophomore year of college (my mom passed away that summer, I’ve been living financially independent since then – does that help explain the credit card debt to anyone?).  However, each day I feel like I’m still a student or still a kid.

I still make extra money the same way that I did 10 years ago – I tutor.

I still work in the same environment that I did 6 years ago – as a lab monkey training to be a professor.

And that’s just it, I’ve been in school now, for 24 years of my life. Technically, while I’m not classified as a student, I still am. The difference between me and a graduate student right now rests solely in the distinction that I make $12,000 more a year than they do. However, we follow the same rules, have the same office space and the same amount of freedom and lee-way with our boss.

I still have the same form of relationships that I’ve had since I was 20 years old – Hopefully that is changing… maybe it won’t though…

So now my definition of “grown up” means having my GROWN UP JOB, my GROWN UP RELATIONSHIPS, my GROWN UP FAMILY, and my GROWN UP HOUSE! I don’t want to be in training anymore, I don’t want to be dating anymore, I don’t want to be just a single family of one, and I don’t want just living in an apartment anymore – I want a home.

And damn it, I want it now.

Alright…. whining about a life of the future instead of appreciating what I have ends…. Now.


10 Responses to When Will I Grow Up?

  1. Amen! I feel the same way. I graduated High School 15 years ago, and Im still in a school setting and still quite the little kid (LOVE setting things on fire in lab, for example).

    • SS4BC says:

      Haha.. Unfortunately I’ve never been that big on blowing stuff up or setting things on fire…. So that doesn’t sustain me like it does for some chemists. =)

  2. Amen! Sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for my real life to begin. And for me it means all of the same things as it does for you — settling down, finding a husband, buying a house in suburbia and having kids. I hope that “Mr.Cousin” can be that guy for you. And I hope more than anything that when I find someone that I can just know he is the right one for me.

    • SS4BC says:

      I’m guessing that when I get old, the lesson that I’ll want to tell myself is that THIS IS REAL LIFE – and that you’re missing out on it by waiting for it to begin.

  3. Jessie says:

    wow… I can so relate to so much of this post. I too am ready for the rest of my life to begin.. I want the house, the husband, and the kids… and I want it now! Waiting is soo hard. I feel like I’m behind.. I’m 25 and I feel like I’m wasting time so much of the time by not getting on with it…

    My mom thinks I should relax, and that I’m not behind at all – but it can be oh so hard. Once you see where you want to be, you see what others have – it’s hard not to want that too.

    the truth of it is, that it will come in time.. and when it does come I think that I’ll be more ready then ever.

    p.s. have I told you how much I love your blog!

    • SS4BC says:

      Yeah, the rational part of my brain knows that your mother is right and that I shouldn’t be in “such a hurry to grow up” – but the other part of me just wants to ENJOY that next phase. I look forward to having a house, and kids, and making memories on Christmas day and seeing things through the eyes of my children. I look forward to being the boss and having employees, and having people LISTEN when I say something instead of roll their eyes at me.

      And Jessie, at 25 you’re not behind, so don’t worry about that. I’m 29 and I don’t believe that I’m BEHIND – just anxious for it to start already! 😉

  4. Pingback: The Superior Wife Syndrome « Small Steps for Big Change

  5. MPP says:

    Yep, I too can relate to this post. You’ll get there! I think that’s what all twentysomethings are feeling right now.

    On an unrelated note: Are you on twitter by chance? If no, can you be? 🙂

  6. TMcImmy says:


    Those seem like the “Big Two” of feeling grown up. A lot of people who have kids in their 20s talk about the sudden realization they’re responsible for the life of another human being, and it makes them feel much more adult than anything prior.

    Actually buying property is a big one for a lot of people too.

    I can think of mutual friends who have “real” jobs but probably don’t feel all that grown up. And I know people who were my age in grad school but had kids, and they typically seemed more “adult”.

  7. I am living in my “grown up condo” with my “grown up boyfriend/partner/someday husband” and i start my “grown up job” next week. But I still don’t feel like a grown up! I think partially it is because I’m the youngest of four kids – I always feel like the baby (my dad even still introduces me as “our baby”). I don’t think I’ll ever feel old enough to be doing anything I am doing, but I think paying off my student loans will be the point when I finally feel like a “grown up” (ish).

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