When Will I Grow Up?
September 21, 2009 10 Comments
I’m asking for forgiveness in advance if this post comes off too whiny or self-effacing.
Sometimes I wonder when or if I will ever grow up. Not in a maturity sort of way, even though I’m silly at times (just ask my good friend Okturn Delmoniq), I still am pretty responsible in life matters (or trying at least) and I’m definitely not a flake or anything and I don’t make *too* many stupid decisions anymore.
I mean, 11 years ago I graduated high school (in 1998 for those who are bad at math). And there was this implicit assumption that now that we were turning 18 and moving out of the house that we would be GROWN UPS! And that thought filled me with excitement. I would be able to live on my own and make my own decisions and manage my own money, ect. And that was what being “grown up” meant to me.
However, 11 years from that period of time I look at my life and I get the feeling that I’m still not “grown up”. Sure, I live alone, I make my own decisions, I haven’t been financially dependent on ANYONE since my Sophomore year of college (my mom passed away that summer, I’ve been living financially independent since then – does that help explain the credit card debt to anyone?). However, each day I feel like I’m still a student or still a kid.
I still make extra money the same way that I did 10 years ago – I tutor.
I still work in the same environment that I did 6 years ago – as a lab monkey training to be a professor.
And that’s just it, I’ve been in school now, for 24 years of my life. Technically, while I’m not classified as a student, I still am. The difference between me and a graduate student right now rests solely in the distinction that I make $12,000 more a year than they do. However, we follow the same rules, have the same office space and the same amount of freedom and lee-way with our boss.
I still have the same form of relationships that I’ve had since I was 20 years old – Hopefully that is changing… maybe it won’t though…
So now my definition of “grown up” means having my GROWN UP JOB, my GROWN UP RELATIONSHIPS, my GROWN UP FAMILY, and my GROWN UP HOUSE! I don’t want to be in training anymore, I don’t want to be dating anymore, I don’t want to be just a single family of one, and I don’t want just living in an apartment anymore – I want a home.
And damn it, I want it now.
Alright…. whining about a life of the future instead of appreciating what I have ends…. Now.